Bye to yesterday, nothing left in my way.

Ha… sitting in 6th period with my lovely computer, typing away the usual despair. I hate this. I’m supposed to be all excited for the end of the year and everything, but more than anything else, I’m just nervous. Mainly about going to England.

I know, I know, it’s great, fan-fucking-tastic. I should be beyond grateful that I’m smart enough to have gotten in, that I’m gonna get to study weapons and strategy – and studio art – at Cambridge university. What is there not to be happy about?? But as usual, I’m being a downbrained pessimistic assface and glooming over the problems of the situation, the first being that I’m not going to know anybody there.

Seriously. I’m not exactly a social butterfly. Sure, I’ve got my posse, and a shitload of other friends, but that’s taken months and in some cases, years, to establish. Plus I don’t like that whole exclusion thing that happens at every new place you visit, where everyone seems to know someone else except you, you know the feeling? Kapoesh? Na no da? I don’t want to leave behind what I’ve got. This’ll be my first summer without my best-friend-turned-sister, Ju Dra, and I’m not gonna see India for four weeks – again – and what about Courtney? She’s already having the shittiest year ever; I don’t want to make it worse. I’m scared she’s going to dump me for someone who can actually be there. I would, in her place.

And the worst part is that I just found out, after sending my app in months ago, that I don’t get internet there. They have some one-hour-a-day computer lab shit, but it’s not the same as curling up at night to watch a Junjou Romantica episode or surfing Sensitive Pornograph tout le soir. Fuck. I can’t keep in contact with anyone I care about, Facebook being a small exception, electronically.

I’m going to have to start writing letters.

I do NOT want to start writing letters.

Stupid summer. I just want a damn break, no da, and it’s being a bitch and keeping my schedule full. I ain’t gonna get back in Philly until two weeks before sophomore year starts. Goddammit!! I hate traveling, I hate summer, and I hate. Not. Having. Internet.

Materialistic as ever. Haha.

Qwerty.